If you’ve never heard the song “Never Going Back” by United Pursuit, you really owe it to yourself to listen to it.
Me on the other hand, I’ve listened to it almost every single day for the past two months.
Every word of the song holds so much truth, but the second verse and the bridge that follows it is my favorite part of the song. Until a couple days ago, I had no idea why I felt so connected to the words.
Here’s the verse:
Righteousness found only in Your face
You see my heart You extend Your grace
Eyes open falling in love again
You say I'm Yours
And here’s the bridge:
It was always You
It was always You
You found me
It was always You
It was always You
You found me
Aaaaand here’s the line that gets me:
It was always You.
We tend to play this game of “let’s see how many potential solutions can I try before I go to God.”
We try wrong answer after wrong answer…
We try drugs and alcohol to numb the pain.
We try foolish relationships to make us feel loved.
We try sex or pornography to mask our insecurity or feelings of unworthiness.
We try being harsh and angry with our prodigals as if that’s what will bring them back.
We try divorce to get ourselves out of a marriage that isn’t really the core of our issue.
We try gambling to get out of the financial mess we’re in.
We try running away to escape our calling and responsibilities.
But none of those things ever work. They just bring further and further into the mess that we are without Jesus.
And finally, we find ourselves crying out to God, “God, I’ve tried everything else. Now, I know I need You. Now, You’re the only solution.”
No, no, no. It’s not, “Now You’re the solution I need” because it was always Him.
The answer was always Jesus. He’s not just the answer now because He’s the “last man standing” on your list of possible solutions. It was always only Him, it just takes us a very (sometimes very, very, very) long time to see that.
When the song gets to that line, my heart just connects with it in a very special way, and I have finally come to understand why.
I’m at a point in my life where I am more spiritually aware of things than I remember being ever before. I’m sure I’m barely scratching the surface on that one, but all I know is the Lord has taken me a very long way. And it’s in this place that I’ve continuously realized two things:
It has never been me. It has never been my solutions.
It has always been Him. He has always been the only way.
It has never been me that reached the hearts of the youth group.
It has never been me that opened the gates of Heaven during a worship set.
It has never been me that just happened to figure it out, whatever “it” was.
It was always Him. It’s just that now I know it was always Jesus; that it will always be Jesus; that He found me when I was sitting in the darkness I thought was light.
When I get to sing the words:
It was always You
You found me
My heart rejoices. My heart rejoices because it finally believes with absolutely certainty that those words are true. My heart rejoices because Jesus does not condemn me for taking so long to understand that, but rejoices that I finally do. As the first verse says, "No matter how far I run, You lead me home, You extend Your love."
It's a long song - don't cut it short!
Let's rejoice together!
~ Alyssa
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